Ahh~ It has been ages since i updated my blog.
Yup i'm guilty of being lazy. Resigned from TRU, i have been spending my time at home sleeping and playing online game and i must say, life is real tough.
Putting all the games issues behind, i also have to deal with my weight issue, arguments with girlfriendS [must emphases on the S for plural form], household chores, taking care of the old and sickly, taking care of a family of 7 izzin easy i tell u.
Okay okay, i'm not attached, let alone girlfriends. there izzin any old and sickly at home, and i do minor chores so that izzin a big deal. comon, a family of 7, i wish. weight problem? the only weight problem i have is not having enough. So i'm pretty much carefree..
But to be truthful, i dun like that. being unproductive and slacking is so not my style. relax yes, but i'm always looking for something to do.
So while waiting for NIE to start, i'm taking up guitar and photoshop. I'm also visiting the library more often, reading on teaching techniques and tips.
Gonna start learning driving and get my Class 3.
Well at least there's plans.
-scribbles.EL-
Sunday, 30 September 2007
Monday, 17 September 2007
1 step made = 1 step closer
life izzin fun without work.
Lots of time... Too much free time...
Lots of distractions... Too much distractions...
Excuses... all those excuses...
Every time i tell myself that i need to start walking, carry on with my career and life and the walk with God, the war starts inside of me.
the struggle of control over my life between the Holy Ghost and my SELF.
i haven been walking closely with God lately.
the effects? World, Self and Devil wins most of the battles within me.
the WSD trio have made my life empty and trying to render it useless.
if they succeed, they will be able to create a MAD [Mass Area Damage]in God's work.
cannot... let WSD... *urgh* win... Must re..sist... *urgh*... Mu..st O..pen B..ib..le..
see, that's how tough the actually battle is.
the action is 1 thing, but WSD will create lots of distraction to take away ur attention.
that's all for today.. distractions...
By the way, have been messing with my psp, hacking and customising.
Looking for Lumines and GTA Liberty City UMD[unpatched version].
-scribbles.EL-
Lots of time... Too much free time...
Lots of distractions... Too much distractions...
Excuses... all those excuses...
Every time i tell myself that i need to start walking, carry on with my career and life and the walk with God, the war starts inside of me.
the struggle of control over my life between the Holy Ghost and my SELF.
i haven been walking closely with God lately.
the effects? World, Self and Devil wins most of the battles within me.
the WSD trio have made my life empty and trying to render it useless.
if they succeed, they will be able to create a MAD [Mass Area Damage]in God's work.
cannot... let WSD... *urgh* win... Must re..sist... *urgh*... Mu..st O..pen B..ib..le..
see, that's how tough the actually battle is.
the action is 1 thing, but WSD will create lots of distraction to take away ur attention.
that's all for today.. distractions...
By the way, have been messing with my psp, hacking and customising.
Looking for Lumines and GTA Liberty City UMD[unpatched version].
-scribbles.EL-
Saturday, 1 September 2007
Man Without Love
A long absents of entries lately even though I had plenty of time.
It have been a week since I resigned from Toys'r'us.
Though i have plenty of time, but yet time seems to fly so fast for me.
It's Sept already, BB work seems to be piling up...
Its like a never ending load of work and admin stuff to do.
NYAA, the awards, the NCO council, the squad system and the noticeboard.
on top of that, my future as a teacher.
So tired yet i cannot rest, like a zombie...
Thx God for giving me strength to carry on walking.
Staying at home made me see lots of things.
My mum despise me.
Well, she should. I'm not even capable of supporting myself at the age of 24.
I'm not like Gabriels who have stable jobs, unlike Jisam whose doing degree in the States, not like Dhana whose gonna be a future doctor, not capable of bringing money home for the parents like all my other peers. All i can do is stay at home, eat and sleep, No help at all. Yes, she has every reason to despise and feel ashame of such a worthless son. Useless, and unchanged is what she sees in her own flesh and blood.
My Dad thinks i'm stupid, a retart, a useless fool.
Always make decisions that doesn't benefit the family.
Always going out, wasting money.
At age of 24 still need to depend on him.
Yes, comparing me to him, he is a lot more capable.
Leaving home at the age of 16, going to a country strange to him, started from stratch and now a business man.
He is so capable that he can flirt with his "other woman" over the phone in front of me. Mayb he thinks that i dun know what going on, that he is flirting.
Haven't he learnt from his previous affair? yes, "previous".
the very affair that got him on the run, the very affair that got him to come back home in fear. He even showed the naked photos of that woman to my mother.
What a joke.
People say that the child is the result of the love of 2 parents.
He have 2, jean and me.
So why does he still do such a thing?
Mayb he doesn't love my mother anymore.
Mayb my mother is just a machine to carry on the family line.
what a joke to think that he will change after my mother forgive him.
no longer i can cry because of this man's doing. I'm not sad, just disappointed.
I'm not sad because i have such a father, i'm not sad because i have such a mother, I'm just disapointed that they think i'm a fool.
Why am i not sad? shouldn't i be sad that my father betrayed my mother again?
I'm not sad, just pity my mother.
Maybe I too, like him, have no love.
If he has love, he shouldn't do such a thing to my mother.
Mayb he have too much love u say. No, i'm sure that is not possible.
Cause love is to protect and give and be fair, not to cause harm and sadness.
If loving somebody can hurt another person, that is not love. That is lust.
Hahaha, wat a joke.
You will only be a father, not a dad.
My dad don't exist at all.
I dun hate u, cause ur not worth it.
Neither do i despise u, cause i will be coming like u.
All i can do is to pray that 1 day, just 1 day, that u will realise wat is love and wat have u done that u might repent and turn to look for salvation.
Hope u repent soon, cause time is running out.
"I will died before u, but i will see u die before me."
-scribbles.EL-
It have been a week since I resigned from Toys'r'us.
Though i have plenty of time, but yet time seems to fly so fast for me.
It's Sept already, BB work seems to be piling up...
Its like a never ending load of work and admin stuff to do.
NYAA, the awards, the NCO council, the squad system and the noticeboard.
on top of that, my future as a teacher.
So tired yet i cannot rest, like a zombie...
Thx God for giving me strength to carry on walking.
Staying at home made me see lots of things.
My mum despise me.
Well, she should. I'm not even capable of supporting myself at the age of 24.
I'm not like Gabriels who have stable jobs, unlike Jisam whose doing degree in the States, not like Dhana whose gonna be a future doctor, not capable of bringing money home for the parents like all my other peers. All i can do is stay at home, eat and sleep, No help at all. Yes, she has every reason to despise and feel ashame of such a worthless son. Useless, and unchanged is what she sees in her own flesh and blood.
My Dad thinks i'm stupid, a retart, a useless fool.
Always make decisions that doesn't benefit the family.
Always going out, wasting money.
At age of 24 still need to depend on him.
Yes, comparing me to him, he is a lot more capable.
Leaving home at the age of 16, going to a country strange to him, started from stratch and now a business man.
He is so capable that he can flirt with his "other woman" over the phone in front of me. Mayb he thinks that i dun know what going on, that he is flirting.
Haven't he learnt from his previous affair? yes, "previous".
the very affair that got him on the run, the very affair that got him to come back home in fear. He even showed the naked photos of that woman to my mother.
What a joke.
People say that the child is the result of the love of 2 parents.
He have 2, jean and me.
So why does he still do such a thing?
Mayb he doesn't love my mother anymore.
Mayb my mother is just a machine to carry on the family line.
what a joke to think that he will change after my mother forgive him.
no longer i can cry because of this man's doing. I'm not sad, just disappointed.
I'm not sad because i have such a father, i'm not sad because i have such a mother, I'm just disapointed that they think i'm a fool.
Why am i not sad? shouldn't i be sad that my father betrayed my mother again?
I'm not sad, just pity my mother.
Maybe I too, like him, have no love.
If he has love, he shouldn't do such a thing to my mother.
Mayb he have too much love u say. No, i'm sure that is not possible.
Cause love is to protect and give and be fair, not to cause harm and sadness.
If loving somebody can hurt another person, that is not love. That is lust.
Hahaha, wat a joke.
You will only be a father, not a dad.
My dad don't exist at all.
I dun hate u, cause ur not worth it.
Neither do i despise u, cause i will be coming like u.
All i can do is to pray that 1 day, just 1 day, that u will realise wat is love and wat have u done that u might repent and turn to look for salvation.
Hope u repent soon, cause time is running out.
"I will died before u, but i will see u die before me."
-scribbles.EL-
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