Given up, Bak to the drawing board.

Working is TTSH izzin workin' out. seriously.
NIE still has no reply, not gonna wait any more.
Resigned from TTSH, Monday is my last day.
No plans yet.
Taking things one at a time.
Focusing on getting my bike license 1st.
Time to end this.
Its about time I become a full fledge Rider.
Then after that is my driver's license, save money for my bike, den get a car from my dad.
Doubt that's gonna happen, he never fulfil his promises.
maybe get a cheap 2nd hand MPV or SUV.
bigger is better, like a family.

Ending before i could start.

Yet another day @ work in TTSH.
Busy busy busy.
patients moving in like crazy bees attracted to the sweet smell of honey..
the clerks here are very helpful, a bit too helpful.
helpful to the point of messy. too many cooks spoils the broth.
haizz.
today is only the 6th day at work, but the manager told me that they have enough people here already, will be transferring me to another clinic.
haiz.. just when i'm getting used to this place..
anyway, i might just quit.
BB seems to need my attention more..
CHoices..
NIE application still no reply.. dun even know if i should go look for a prem job.
haiz.

fin
scribbles

Old, dirty and worn out rubber...

Tired. Very tired..
Physically, mentally and spritually.
Not getting much sleep.
Not getting much support.
I need rest.. a rest from the world.
away from technology, away from city..
Mayb i should spend sometime at the beach..
Mayb i should go bak to malaysia for a while..
Mayb i should be alone..
Wait, i'm already alone..
burdened by much issues.
Past.
Present.
Future.
My Own issues.
Other people's issues.
I guess nobody bothers anymore.

Ought to sleep now.
Nobody reads this...
cause if they do, they ought would have known, instead of asking "r u ok?" or "wat happened?"

fin~
scribbles

easier said than done

It's getting harder and harder to keep my rage in control.
Keeping myself in emotional state doesn't seem to help anymore...
Not knowing when i'll snap, i fear that i might hurt the people i care and love for.
Benedict thinks that i'm being emo, cause i'm emo..
Sadly, that what most people think of me...
They know me not...
not well enough to understand the rage and hatred and deep grudge that i have for humans.
Last night, i lost control for a while...
A long time since i lost control...
Nobody listens.. everyone jumps to conclusion and quick to give advice...
Death seems to be a much easier way out then facing this Raging demon that's sealed within me..
Everybody wants to be happy, likewise for me cause i'm human too.
Living seems to be more of a burden than happiness.
I want to see the Lord, i want to be in heaven with God, I want to go back home.
Using depression to suppress rage.. that's my way for control, but rage seems to getting stronger and stronger.
Maybe letting go is the solution.
Easier said than done.

fin
-Scribbles.EL-