no more hugs, no more gd mornings, more gd nites.
Suddenly you are so cold.
it's not your fault.
Only mine to blame.

Have i become too attached to you?
Have i grown to dependent on your company?
Maybe i have, that's why i'm feeling like that.
do you feel the same as i am?
or do you have better things to do?
Maybe you do, that's why you seem like so.

Who can i share my feelings with, only those who read my blog i guess.
Who can i really confine and find comfort?
In God I trust.
He tells me," Billy, if u wan to embrace the one you love again, you need to let go your ties."
"Follow me and you will find your loved ones again."
My Lord calls for me to abandon my life.
It's a painful decision and I do not know what will become of us.
But Jesus has to come 1st in my life.
Jesus has to take control.

Bak from Camp

Came bak from camp yesterday.
din enjoy the camp.
as usual, became the man behind the scene taking photos of others enjoying.
came bak and wrote a letter of resignation to the officers.
yes, I'm leaving 51st.
for a few months, for a few years or for good, I do not know.
All i know is that all this is part of God's plan.
It was part of God's plan that I torn apart my relationship with my brother.
Torn apart seems to strong a word, more like a suspension or stand still.
Until we can stand together and be comfortable in each other's presence in whatever situation, can we really call each other brothers.
I saw it coming, visually.
Seems like a joke for God, but it's not.
It's a wake up call.
Not for him, but for me.
Slowly, it has come clear to me that my spiritual gift might be premonition.
It's painful. Very painful.
as if my heart is bleeding.
I miss all the hugs and gd nite.
I miss "Nite bro. *hug", "take care", "morning bro. *hug" and "*poke".
one nite, and it hurts so much already.

This is happening because I rely on you too much.
~fin

Birthdays, gatherings, being emo

Today's Qi sheng's birthday.
As usual, i'll call and sing him a birthday song. That's me, my way of giving a surprize to my beloved friends.
It's been long since we last met. So long ago.
I have always wanted to set up an alumni for the company, yet there seem to be little interest from the eX-boys.
No "Yay"s, No "Woo Hoo"s..
Just a cold "anything" kinda reply.
I can't do it alone.
Kinda sad. Feeling kinda lonely. Having that lil moody moments as if the world has stop spinning and all things ard me has come to a stand still.
It's tat kind of nostalgic feeling, where everything turns yellow like the late afternoon sun and your just tired and listless..
Kinda enjoying this sad and moody moment as if I'm the main character of a tragic love story.
lol
K, gotta cheer up. Else ChuanYi and Benedict will be worried.
=)
Happy Birthday Qisheng.

Stuck On the Track

The train that I boarded broke down at Sembawang Station.
Just a stop away from where I boarded, darn.
As the train was completely stuck and couldn't move on its' own, we had to wait for the next train to "push" us.
After 30mins of patient waiting, we'r finally released from our confinement.
But things dun end there.
the passengers from next train had to alight as their train needs to drag our train off the track.
1st time in my life, I saw an "army" of people "stationing at the platform, wow.
when the next available train arrived, 70% of the people desperately squeezed into the train.
What's the point of doing that, i think to myself. we'r late anyway, and the next train will arrive in a couple of mins, so might as well wait for awhile.
I like my personal space.
and so that's how my morning began, arriving at school at 8.50 with a ridiculous excuse.
"My train broke down"
hahaha, sound like "My dog ate my homework".
anyway, gotta go back to work.

Wonder how much fine is SMRT going to get for the break down...

Past reviewed

Stumble upon my past entries.
Saw the promises that I gave to myself and God.
Looking at now and my past, I have failed as a son of God.
Failed as a Brother to Benedict, Nicholas, ChuanYi, Manfred and many more.
Everytime I said I want to go into secludion for a period, I can't and I din.
Many promises to fulfil.
Many Goals to hit.
Many tasks to complete.
Many people to catch up with.
One God to Love.

Life's a mess.
It's abt time I do a "spring Cleaning for my life, goals, dreams and tots.

~Fin